As the title of my page implies, I see myself as a ‘Growing Butterfly’ For a long while now I have been debating on getting a mark of the journey I have been on somewhere on my body, to inspire me through the tough times ahead. There was a lot of discussion with my family and fellow fighters on whether this would be a good thing to do. But after a year and a half of thinking, I came to the decision to get it done because it is my body and my decision as to what will encourage me forward.
So here is the finished article. My permanent reminder to carry on growing stronger, wiser, healthier and most of all happier. There is nothing in my mind that says we can’t all get there. After all that I have had to go through, I am still standing and moving forward in the pursuit of freedom, away from my illnesses. Each one of us, no matter what we are experiencing, have the strength and power to turn the situation around for the better. It is certainly not believable in the first insistence you think about being free of your problems, but it is a lesson you will learn along the road. A beautiful way that I have dealt with doubt, is by following this quotation taken from Jenni Schaefer;
“Always Disobey, even when you cannot disagree”
It is implying that though your mind may be telling you to loose hope, carrying on being stuck or act upon dangerous thoughts to your health or others, you should never give in to them. Despite your belief in what your head is saying, you have to do the opposite for anything to change. The way I apply my own negative thoughts to this rule in recovery, is by listening to what my illness has to say and then doing the opposite. When ever I feel that there is no point anymore, I keep going. If there is something really stressful happening, I take stock of how far I have come, and remember that if I can get through all of that, I can get through this.
Simply said, yes, however it is important that you persist with the positive for longer than a few attempts. This is a consistent learning curve for you to adjust to, not something that can happen overnight (although we all really want it to). Even to this day, I have my doubts about whether I can truly make it. But the only way to make sure I do is by carrying on with challenging my illness.
Just because you may not be suffering with a mental illness, doesn’t mean this rule cannot be for you. It ties in with any situation or prospect of something negative. Say, if you were applying for a job, and you were up against 100 other applicants. You have been unemployed for along time, and feel that you don’t have enough good qualities to offer. In order for your outcome to be a positive one, whether you get the job or not, is to reflect on all the things you have succeeded in before now. Look into your personality, as that is a fundamental part of being accepted for a job. If you don’t get the job, see this as another stepping stone to something better. Learn from the experience and take that new knowledge with you for the next time. Seeing yourself as who you truly, and accepting the good with the bad, you can come to more peace and treat yourself with compassion. Dwelling on the bad things will only keep you in the dark. Find the glimmers of light that our inside and sooner than you think you will see the end of the tunnel.
Truth be told my war is still very present day to day. Yet my approach has become more affective in producing positive outcomes in the long term. I am making sure I eat all I need to in order to re-gain back the physical strength I have lost. I am making plans for the day and for the future to map out a future full of the things I love doing. I am remaining as mentally strong as I can be in order to keep to the recovery rule, by focusing on all my good qualities and attributes. Finally I am making the active choices to combat my core beliefs instead of obeying their commands. For as ‘safe’ as they feel, they will never allow the freedom I desire, nor deserve.
I am proud of my tattoo, because it is something I believe in. Not everyone needs one in order to come out of their problems, but we do all need a focus for when we are struggling to see the yellow bricks paved in front. Whether it be a favourite quote, a place, family, friends, a pet, a passion, a song, make sure you have something to be there for you when it all seems impossible. The belief will grow as you see for yourself, the joy that comes with being positive.